One Month In...

Last week I had one sister-in-law request a blog post "asap" and the other request that I write about myself...who am I to disappoint - so, here ya go sisters...

Today marks me being officially one-month and one day as a "stay-at-home mom."  Well, technically, if you include when teacher inservice started, I suppose it's been even a little longer, but whatever.  The most important thing is that - I love it.

This month has taught me both a greater appreciation for working and stay-at-home moms.  As a working mom, I used to give myself such a hard time for not being able to do it all.  But now I realize there was good reason for that; I was busy and trying to cram a lot of home and school stuff in during the evening hours when I was already pretty whipped from the day - why did I always give myself such a hard time?

However, at the same time, I also realize that there is still not time to do it all even being home.  Grady keeps me busy, and my/our time has gotten quickly filled with play dates, taking walks/runs, volunteering at school, playing with the little guy, doing a bit more of our finances, keeping the house clean while someone follows me around, making meals, starting to sub, and doing other volunteering for church/school/other committees.  The difference is, that for the most part, I've stopped giving myself such a hard time.  Sure, I still wish the house was perfectly clean and organized all the time, but when it isn't, I don't stress so much because I just feel like I have time tomorrow to get it done...I don't have to stay up late (unless I choose too), I don't have to choose between school and family, I don't have to not read my book or not get some exercise, and I can sit down, relax, and talk with Brian in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed.

Busy is a word that describes everyone's life - no matter who you are or what you're doing...everyone feels busy.  But stressed doesn't describe everyone's life, and I'm so thankful that it doesn't describe mine any longer.  I still feel it every now and again, but it's a totally different feeling than it used to be.

This is getting a bit too philosophical...back to some day-to-day details:  Today marks my fourth day subbing.  I subbed one day for 8th grade science and now three days for a special education teacher at the high school.  I've enjoyed subbing a lot.  It's a nice taste of what I now can confirm is the right career for me, but it's so great to walk away at the end of the day - I feel rejuvenated by my work with the kids and excited that I can go home and just be with mine.  I've loved working with the new English teacher (the special ed teacher is in her room for one hour of the day), and it's been awesome to have former students smile at, hug, and stop to talk to me.  Maybe teaching will be in my future again, but I'm also totally content with the fact that it's on hold right now, and this feeling is another one I'm thankful for - it makes me feel like I made the right decision.

I would say that Brian and the kids agree that having me home is ideal too.  Brian and I talked the other day about it, and he said that me being home has made his job not seem as stressful.  It's not really that his job is truly less stressful but that it doesn't seem that way because the entire atmosphere of home-life is not so crazy.  I'm glad for this.  It's healthy for all of us.  Last year, Olivia was telling people that "Mom, didn't sign up for school next year."  I've asked her if she's glad that I'm home, and she's always said yes.  I know from her shy, sideways smile that she loves it when I come into her classroom, and the girls love riding the bus home from school.  Grady has become a pretty solid momma's boy, so I'm going to assume he likes having me home.  He's doing great, and we've come to a nice balance of play time and "work" time for mom where he entertains himself for a bit.  Overall, it's been really good.

I'm a bit nervous about when winter hits...I hope I don't start to feel cooped up.  I have noticed that I've done more dates out at night with my friends and on the weekends with friends/couples.  I think this is both because I have time and am not so tired and because I feel a need to get dressed up a bit and have some time away from the house more too.

Mostly, I just don't ever want to stop appreciating this opportunity...I never knew if I really wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or not, but now I know I do want that, at least for this point in our lives, and I am so glad for it all.